Tears, Fears and the Empty Nest
I did cry - no point pretending but I think timing is everything on this one. Its not okay to be weeping and wailing while gripping onto your student's leg when they are at the fresher Meet and Greet! That wouldn't be pretty.
When my first child left I thought I would be bereft, like me a chatterbox. the very notion of our home without them was unbearable. The night before the big move we cuddled and sniveled, I made us watch a film we'd always promised to watch together (probably a mistake in hindsight....). On the day of the move we all coped really well. During the drive back home my partner who had been all composed till then sobbed his eyes out and the siblings quietly shed a tear. Its a big change for everyone.
The university were brilliant and the student was occupied with activities from day one. Second year students were like a crack team ensuring the newbies settled in. All was well and the promise of regular Skyping and daily texting soon went unfulfilled and do you know what? - it was okay.
When my second child moved it was the same, but worse knowing that this time the nest would be empty. More well timed tears, more promises, but this time my expectations were better managed.
I noticed actually, that the nest wasn't in fact empty but there was my partner with whom quality time had been so scarce for the past twenty years. There was actually space on the sofa next to them and chance to start and finish a conversation without diversion - wow!! I quite liked that, bonus!
Levitate Student says - Its worth remembering that Unis don't really want parents on phone fretting about Jenny or Johnny. If that happens you will probably be met with a word about confidentiality and a suggestion to signpost the student to speak to someone themselves. It is important for students to find their feet, establish some independence and be resourceful enough to find support from the university services if needed. In addition the universities have a duty of care to safeguard their students so they don't give information out over the phone to unverified people readily. Obviously sometimes you may need to contact the university but its worth understanding how the institution may respond and that they do so with the best interests of the student at heart.
"Home" and "Home Home"
I absolutely hated it when my students referred to their uni accommodation as home! It sort of stings a little does that. That said they call home - "home home" so the real thing which is comforting. Calling the uni accommodation home also suggest they are settled enough there and feel safe - so I suppose it's okay (grr!!).
When they are struggling they can seem a long way away, down the end of a phone, but with all the ways to keep in touch these days it's not so bad.
Resist the temptation to "like" every Facebook picture they post, trust me it doesn't go down well!
The bottom drawer
Preparing can feel a bit like a bride buying bits and bobs for her bottom drawer ready to leave home on her big day. Try not too get carried away, there are things we bought our students that remained in their boxes (iron, half the crockery, some towels bed linen etc). Definitely wait till you know where they will be living. I found scanning the room in Halls to work out how best to maximise the space helped and provided storage boxes that would slot in. Unless the uni is in the middle of nowhere then there is likely to be a Wilko, Dunelm, Matalan, Ikea etc for all the required stuff.
Don't completely dismantle the students bedroom at "home home", its good for them to return to the comforts of their old spot.
Levitate Student says - check out our Fresher: Do Buy Don't Buy post with tips from students.
Money Matters
This is an interesting one and how you approach it will definitely be driven by your household circumstance. The household income (that the funders use to work out how much money the student can receive) is generally the annual gross income of the parent (s) the student lives with, their partner if applicable and the students own unearned income if they have any-which mine didn't. If your student works alongside their course it won't affect their student finance which is good to know.
Budget
I am not the worlds best at planning a budget myself, even with the best intentions am often just too busy and tired. However I did sit down with my kids and play with a student budget planner, once we had an idea what student finance they would get and what their accommodation would cost.
We talked about what their likely spending would be and agreed what we as parents could help them with. We made sure they applied for a student bank account and spoke to them about sensible use of the overdraft. The student accounts have an interest free overdraft which gives them a safe zone to dip into when funds are low at the end of term. I reckoned as long as this was used wisely it was a good facility to have. We talked about the potential problems of being silly with money and the way bank charges can build.
The universities do have staff and services to help students budget and to find work. A little part-time job can be useful to top up their funding whether it is in the holidays or alongside their course. Having two students in the system has meant it has been a challenge so we have expected the kids to be wise with their spending and help us to help them.We agreed a plan and then said we would review it in January. Both my kids have been sensible and manged the arrangement well, I am proud of them. We didn't tell them how to manage their money in fine detail, we thought it would be good to let them try find their own way, then chat about how it was going. I get the impression most students manage their money okay, (with the occasional blip) one way or another.
Levitate Student says - if your student is applying for means tested student finance speak to the relevant funder if you have had a change of circumstance. Especially if it means your income is less than in the tax year requested on the application form. A fall of income of 15% could mean that the funder may carry out an in-year income assessment and could result in more student finance.
Money Saving Expert has a good article on Student Bank Accounts.
There are lots of online budget planners and budgeting mobile phone applications. Its worth searching to find one that suits. The cashflow annual planner templates for example for Excel can be good as they can help a student predict how their spending is going to affect their future bank balance. As they receive their funding in three lumps sums it can be difficult to predict how it might last.
Funding can be late for various reasons so if possible the student should try and get some buffer funds in their bank account. We found that the bank only provided a modest overdraft until the student finance arrived so that can't be relied upon.
Legal Stuff
August will herald the end of any child benefit and tax credits you received for your student -oh well.
Accommodation contracts are a nightmare and signing as a guarantor obligatory and a bit of a worry when its all new. Had mixed experience here as for one tenancy it was just sign on dotted line whereas another required a minimum income and credit check. Definitely understand all you are signing, get advice if needed. The students are pretty much tied into contracts once they sign and many are 52 weeks long which is annoying. Also by the winter/spring of year one the students are panic looking for new place and then are paying deposits on years two rented. By the summer the student has to find and pay the first year two rent installment in summer, they may still be paying for year one rent. It's a cycle that repeats each year so be ready for it.
Halls of residence are pricey and hard to compare with all tariffs being different and number of weeks and what's included varying. Also when and how payments are made vary. One thing which is a bit naughty is some universities or accommodation providers not dividing the rent into 3 equal installments. If the first payment is bigger it can make the first terms bank balance a challenge and Freshers are plunged straight into overdraft. Not helpful.
Most full-time students are exempt from paying council tax.They get an exemption certificate, usually there is information on the university webpages about how it all works.
Also it's worth checking out the Student Regulations at the university of choice.These are a bit like the terms and conditions of being a student. I had a friend whose son didn't settle at university and wanted to leave nearly straight away. If he had stayed beyond two weeks he would have had to pay his full tuition fee until January!! That was a surprise but it was in the Student Regulations so worth checking out....just in case.
Levitate Students says - if your student funding is delayed or they want to leave get them to seek help from the university Support Services as soon as possible.
Lots of issues can arise in the first few weeks but university staff have seen it all before and are very experienced at helping students sort matters out and settle. Don't panic just point your student in the right direction for help.
See our blog post on council tax
Useful to Knows
One of my students didn't want to take up the uni offers they got on A level results day so went into Clearing . It's a good idea to have a plan of action in case this happens as its can be a nerve wracking experience.The universities are all geared up for the mass musical chairs of Clearing. We found it a positive experience in the end and my student was really happy with the final outcome and is settled.
Make sure your student knows where the Support Service teams are at the university just in case they need help. This is important if their funding is delayed or they have problems with it. The university may help out with a little money if a student is in hardship.
Also check if your student is entitled to any bursaries or scholarships from the university, information is usually on the websites.
If your student is disabled or has a specific learning need as one of mine does, then engaging with the uni disability services to have their needs assessed as soon as possible is important. Also get money advice in case there are other things they may be eligible for such as welfare benefits.
Check your own home insurance policy, ours covered our students for contents while they live away at university.
It may be that your student won't need a TV licence as they don't seem to watch any live telly. Check the rules to be safe though.
Bottom line - it will all be fine!
